The possibilities for 2009. Less greed, more openness, civility, caring.  Before, I wondered if the rich thought the poor were lazy, and the poor thought the rich were greedy. Now, most of us struggle.  For the first time, I joined a social network on Corporate Responsibility and Sustainable development. Perhaps this is the chance to come together rather than coming apart. A friend called on New Year’s day and was measuring his life for 2008: Net worth in half,  income down, friends few (as a result of a divoce), family not close AND VERY Happy (he is with someone who is right for him).  Mmmmm! So what is important??

I find myself waiting – for the weekend, for the political climate to change, for people to be different than they are, for life to give me more of what I want. I’m into action AND the future doesn’t come as quickly as I would like. Then again, some future events can be postponed – age, illness, frailty, poor eye sight. Waiting brings up anxiety. Sometimes it freezes action and activity.

I don’t live as much as I would like to live in the “NOW”. Why? Because of those expectations that I’m waiting for. Waiting for “NOW” seems silly, doesn’t it!!

For much of my adult life, I’ve pursued doing what I want to do and ignoring what I need to do. In reflection, I’ve often neglected what I should do.

I’ve heard that “sacrifice is giving up something important for something more important”, but that’s not how I’ve lived. Even in pursuing my “bliss” or “what I love”, I now realize there are tasks that are not fun, not enjoyable, but “should” or need to be done to achieve the higher calling of “bliss” or “happiness” or “contentment” or just “fun”.

Success, I’m aware, is not effortless, although endless plodding is not acceptable if the end, the goal, is ever receding in front of me. I find myself more willing to do things I don’t like if what I do like seems probable.

Join the Discussion Today! – Your thoughts are welcome and encouraged post your comment.

Gary Eyring

gary@theopenorganization.com

Executive Coach and President

The Open Organization

The Open Organization is a Seattle-based Executive Coaching, Leadership Development, and Team-Building consulting company providing customized services for executives, management teams, board members, human resource professionals, and other business people seeking to positive organizational change through interpersonal and leadership skills development.

The collective consciousness of America appears turbulent and anxious. The fears don’t seem to be abating:

• The threat of war and terrorism
• Financial Markets are tumbling
• World Economies are sputtering
• Real Estate is fragile
• Health Care, Energy and Food costs are increasing
• Job Losses and insecurity are mounting
• The need for more performance with less resources are rising

With all these fears and anxieties, how can I cope? What can I do to make a difference?

First of all, denying my fears doesn’t help. In my bravado, I may not admit my anxiety. I may only look at the positive possibilities. Yet, my fears lurk just below the surface, and the tension in my body tells me that I’m “fluffing” up, pretending that it will all go away. While it may be true that “problems” are temporary, they are also real and not to be ignored or denied. In fact, my denial insures that my fears will continue. My authentic self knows the truth of my anxieties, and only by facing my fears will I create the possibility of moving beyond them.

Secondly, after I face my fears, what then? My ego stands in the way of new truths, new possibilities. My ego is a “point of view that defends itself from other points of view”. As I allow the “truth” of others to be expressed, I create new paths, new possibilities, that before were unavailable because of my resistance, my defending my position or point of view.

Finally, if I want to make a difference, I need to start with myself. I can change my attitude, my beliefs, my behaviors. I can only control myself.

However, even as I follow a new path of my convictions, my fears of the unknown will re-assert themselves, and I will need to apply, again and again, skills such as “letting go”, “being present”, “non-defensiveness”, and “active listening” . I will need the support of like-minded people and a strong discipline to overcome the habitual thinking that sustains my fear.

A simple but profound model of human behavior and self awareness, together with the 12 skills of effective relationships - are demonstrated in The Open Organization’s “Leadership from the Inside Out”.

Whether an alumnae, or someone new to these skills, attending our May 29th and 30th workshop will elevate you in your professional and personal life.

FIRST, I NEED TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN MY OWN LIFE! THEN, THAT DIFFERENCE WILL AFFECT THE LIVES OF THOSE IN CONTACT WITH ME. THEN……..???!!!!

Join the Discussion Today! – Your thoughts are welcome and encouraged post your comment.

Gary Eyring

gary@theopenorganization.com

Executive Coach and President

The Open Organization

The Open Organization is a Seattle-based Executive Coaching, Leadership Development, and Team-Building consulting company providing customized services for executives, management teams, board members, human resource professionals, and other business people seeking to positive organizational change through interpersonal and leadership skills development.

Manipulation is to manage, influence or shrewdly/deviously change, adjust and maneuver situations for ones own gain. When a person, race, gender, or nation (the entity) has a need that is not being met, they can become manipulative in their behavior. At a fundamental level, human emotional needs consist of these key components.

• “Significance” – attention, connection, or even fame,
• “Competence” – control/power
• “Likeability” – authenticity, love, caring

Conversely, there are fears that may also generate manipulative behaviors:

• “Ignored” – isolated, segregated, alone
• “Incompetence” – humiliated, embarrassed
• “Rejected” – cast out, shunned, disliked

When the needs of an individual, gender, race or nation have been socially and individually censured to a point where they have been suppressed, the entity no longer dares demonstrate their needs openly. They still possess sufficient energy to express some feeling on the matter, and so what they feel comes forth covertly and often manifests itself as manipulation.

It is important to remember that the entity that is manipulating may be acting this way because of a bad experience where they were behaving “overtly” (in the open) with clarity. Their behavior became suppressed by another or others, leaving the entity’s only avenue of expression, in their reality, to covertly manipulate.

It can also be a perception of “lack” or “not enough to go around” that can motivate manipulative behavior. It becomes a lack of Trust that needs cannot be met openly and fairly.

To handle this, as a leader or teammate, they should identify a specific incident, clearly evaluate what happened and passively confront the entity, either individually or as a group.

An example, for an individual: “I noticed some figures were adjusted on the quarterly review statement. Can you tell me about that?” This lets the person know you saw their behavior. Passive confrontation, by asking them a question, reduces or eliminates the feeling of “threat”.
It is important to persist here without being critical or starting an argument. Criticizing and arguing just drives the problem further underground.

Political orientation aside, the recent speech by Senator Obama on race relations was an excellent example of passive confrontation – asking and exploring questions without blame or shame with the intention of “opening” a conversation.

Practicing the art of passive confrontation allows the leader to deal with issues without creating a defensive reaction. In addition, the person who feels the need to manipulate in order to express themselves may begin to experience the value of an “open” conversation.

Is your organization functioning in such a way as to suppress open clear behaviors in good people and forcing them underground to manipulate or other covert actions rather than full open expression?

Join the Discussion Today! – Your thoughts are welcome and encouraged post your comment.

Gary Eyring

gary@theopenorganization.com

Executive Coach and President

The Open Organization

The Open Organization is a Seattle-based Executive Coaching, Leadership Development, and Team-Building consulting company providing customized services for executives, management teams, board members, human resource professionals, and other business people seeking to positive organizational change through interpersonal and leadership skills development.